For the longest time, my world was built around the same routines, the same people, and the same coping mechanisms. Drinking wasn’t just for weekends, it was part of everyday life. A few pints after work, a few more to take the edge off, and maybe something stronger when the nights felt too heavy. Drugs were never framed as a problem, just another way to escape. “Everyone does it.” - Everyone around me did the same, so it felt normal. It was just life.
I used to think I’d make something of myself one day. That I’d break out, build something better. But every time I spoke about my goals, I was met with the same responses: "Alright mate, since when can you do that?” - If they knew me, they’d know I’ve not stopped studying and training since I left school (longer than I’d like to admit 😅). There was always a sense of - "Forget about it, no one makes it round here". The cycle repeated itself - I’d get a spark of ambition, then watch it fade as another night out blurred into the next.
At first, I told myself it was fine. That at least these people understood me, that they never judged me like others did. But then I realised…if they really knew me, if they really cared, wouldn’t they see how miserable I was? Wouldn’t they notice that I was stuck, suffocating in a life I never truly wanted?
I kept dreaming of something more. A life where I was in control, where I didn’t feel trapped in the same self-destructive patterns. But every time I tried to take a step forward, something held me back. Sometimes it was the lack of money, the lack of opportunities. But mostly, it was my own mindset - the belief that I was never going to make it.
It wasn’t until I stepped back and looked at my life with fresh eyes that I realised the truth: I was never going to move forward while I was still stuck in the same place. Change wasn’t going to come from them. It had to come from me.
The Psychology of Environmental Influence
Human behaviour is deeply influenced by social conditioning. The people we spend time with shape our beliefs, our habits, and our self-perception - often in ways we don’t even realise. Psychologists call this social conformity - the tendency to adopt the behaviours and attitudes of those around us to fit in, whether consciously or unconsciously.
When we grow up or live in an environment where unhealthy coping mechanisms like drinking or drug use are normalised, our brains register these behaviours as acceptable, even expected. The more we repeat these habits, the stronger they become, reinforcing neural pathways in the brain that make change feel increasingly difficult.
This is where learned helplessness comes into play. Coined by psychologists Martin Seligman and Steven Maier, learned helplessness occurs when someone is repeatedly exposed to a negative situation and eventually stops trying to change it, even when opportunities for change exist. Over time, I had unknowingly trained my brain to believe that my circumstances were fixed, that success was something for other people, not me.
On top of that, I was surrounded by people who validated this belief. Their words, their actions, their perspectives all reinforced the idea that dreaming of a better life was pointless. I wasn’t just battling external limitations, I was fighting against a deeply ingrained mindset that had been shaped by years of exposure to the same toxic cycle.
Breaking Free: Rewiring your Mindset
The first step to change wasn’t just leaving the environment, it was changing the way I thought about myself. Neuroscience tells us that the brain has an incredible ability to rewire itself, a concept known as neuroplasticity. Every time we introduce new habits, new thoughts, and new perspectives, we weaken old neural pathways and strengthen new ones.
At first, it felt impossible. The doubt, the fear, the resistance. It all crept in the moment I tried to step away from the familiar. But I had to ask myself: Did I want to keep living a life that made me miserable?
I started small. I surrounded myself with people who believed in something bigger than temporary highs and quick escapes. I immersed myself in books, podcasts, and conversations that challenged the beliefs I had absorbed f years. And pretty quickly, I began to see a shift.
The most important realisation? I had control all along! My environment had shaped me, but it didn’t have to define me. The moment I chose to step away from the noise and create a new path, I started to break free from the cycle that had kept me stuck for so long.
If you feel trapped in an environment that doesn’t align with your true self, remember this:
Change isn’t easy, but it’s possible. The people and places you surround yourself with have a profound impact on your mindset, but ultimately, you have the power to decide what kind of life you want to live.
Hopefully this resonates with you, and you can take something away from this. Regardless, I hope you enjoyed the read :)
With love, Marie-Louise. X
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